‘Self design’ versus ‘Lifestyle design’ and finding balance

On self-help books:

They have self-design down, but somehow convince themselves that with enough self design, they can be happy in any situation. Ignore the fact that they have no passion for their job, they don’t communicate well with their spouse, and they live in a city where they hate the weather and the local culture.

That’s from David Croushore of 30 Days at A Time, in a guest post on Free Pursuits.

I related to this passage a little too well today. I’m in the midst a major life change that has caused me to reflect on my current situation, how I landed here, and possibilities.

I moved to (metro) Atlanta almost ten years ago. I have never loved it, and I have just worked up to I like some things about it. Yet, for a variety of reasons — which can really be boiled down to fear — I stayed. And bought a house.

I also traveled. New Orleans captured my soul. I fell in love with Portland. I came thisclose to relocating to the Yay. I developed a deep passion for New York City. I had fantasies of decamping to Barcelona, Spain and Essaouira, Morocco. I had a blast with friends and geeks for five straight years in Austin, Texas at South by Southwest.

And I noticed that when I am elsewhere, I not only have a lot more fun, but I am a lot more fun. I’m bubbly. I’m more outgoing. I want to explore and experience. I walk. I talk to people. I am more flexible and free-spirited.

That said, I also battle depression. It’s such a funny thing, that disease. It can really skew your perception of reality. I am aware of this, so I try to be mindful of whether I am really feeling a particular feeling, or whether it’s the depression (and anxiety, since I am on the subject) talking.

For much of the last ten years, I have attributed this feeling that veers between unease and misery I experience to me. I convinced myself that I need to change. But you know, maybe it’s my situation that needs to change.*

* Or the truth may be somewhere in between.