Tiffany B. Brown

a mish-mosh of stuff

Right now

Right now, I have a tightness in my chest. I have a tightness in my throat.

Right now, I am taking deep breaths and reminding myself that it’s the anxiety doing that.

Right now, my head is starting to throb.

Right now, I am scared, tense, anxious, overwhelmed, drained — but most of all, I am tired.

Right now, I am reminding myself that Miss Moon always wreaks havoc with my body and my mind.

Right now, I am telling myself that rum is not an acceptable dinner, but I don’t want to eat.

Right now, I know the rum isn’t really helping, but each sip is making me feel better for now.

Right now, my t-shirt sleeves are covered in snot because I had a crying jag in the car and no tissues.

Right now, I have an intense desire to die. If wishes could come true, I’d be gone by morning.

Right now, I am also trying to keep it in perspective. Yesterday was good. Tomorrow might be better.

  • patricia

    aww. I'm sorry you're having to go through, darling girl. It's been a few years since I've had a full blown panic attack but I still remember them well enough that I fear them coming back. Wish I was there to try to help a little.

  • patricia

    aww. I'm sorry you're having to go through, darling girl. It's been a few years since I've had a full blown panic attack but I still remember them well enough that I fear them coming back. Wish I was there to try to help a little.

    • http://intensedebate.com/people/tiffanybbrown tiffanybbrown

      This is actually the first one I've had that's come out like this. I was walking to my car and had this weird tightness in my chest and couldn't take a deep breath. I managed to calm down, but that was a scary couple of moments. I know what's causing it, so that's helping me keep perspective. But I still don't have a clear head about it.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/tiffanybbrown tiffanybbrown

    This is actually the first one I've had that's come out like this. I was walking to my car and had this weird tightness in my chest and couldn't take a deep breath. I managed to calm down, but that was a scary couple of moments. I know what's causing it, so that's helping me keep perspective. But I still don't have a clear head about it.

  • Matthew MacCarthy

    Panic attacks aren't funny, but I had one in college and went to the hospital. I told the triage nurse I thought I was having a heart attack.

    She looked at me and said "you are 27 years old: it's not a heart attack."

    You are 27 years old: it's not a heart attack. This isn't life-threatening. You are ok.

  • Matthew MacCarthy

    Panic attacks aren't funny, but I had one in college and went to the hospital. I told the triage nurse I thought I was having a heart attack.

    She looked at me and said "you are 27 years old: it's not a heart attack."

    You are 27 years old: it's not a heart attack. This isn't life-threatening. You are ok.

  • Patricia

    Knowing what's causing the attacks is a big thing. The clarity will come. You're an intelligent, strong woman. The clarity will come. In the meantime, letting people know what's happening is good. In the past, my biggest problems came when I tried to hide what I was going through and felt so alone. Hard to get ahead of the problem that way.

  • Patricia

    Knowing what's causing the attacks is a big thing. The clarity will come. You're an intelligent, strong woman. The clarity will come. In the meantime, letting people know what's happening is good. In the past, my biggest problems came when I tried to hide what I was going through and felt so alone. Hard to get ahead of the problem that way.

  • Cheryl (RPM)

    I'm biting my lip so hard right now. I wish I could hug you and say that it's all going to be okay and that you just have to hold on through this moment – because I know it's just a moment. I also know this does not bring you the immediate peace I want it to. Hold on, Sunshine. And know you have people who love you and are with you through this. As your cancerian, moon child sister and fellow anxiety riddled pal on the precipice – please know I'm here if you need an ear.

  • Cheryl (RPM)

    I'm biting my lip so hard right now. I wish I could hug you and say that it's all going to be okay and that you just have to hold on through this moment – because I know it's just a moment. I also know this does not bring you the immediate peace I want it to. Hold on, Sunshine. And know you have people who love you and are with you through this. As your cancerian, moon child sister and fellow anxiety riddled pal on the precipice – please know I'm here if you need an ear.

  • http://www.chrischreative.com/ chris

    That's like poetry. it's real. I was imagining that being performed at a spoken word event. Probably should be in time if you can. I'll pray for you.

  • http://www.chrischreative.com chris

    That's like poetry. it's real. I was imagining that being performed at a spoken word event. Probably should be in time if you can. I'll pray for you.