My 2008 resolutions

I’ve got a list of goals and 2008 to-dos, but for me, resolutions are about emotional and spiritual growth. I’ve got a few things I want to work on in that regard.

Purge the ex from my life

I’m one of those folks who needs you to go away for awhile so that I can get over you. We’ve kept in touch after an extended break-up that started in February and ended six months later when I moved into my own place. Things are downright amicable. And that’s the problem: every conversation, email or IM leaves me wondering why it all fell apart and thinking maybe, just maybe it could work if we only tried _________________(fill in the blank). I have pangs of jealousy if I see a photo of him with a woman I don’t know (I’m still Flickr friends with some of his friends but that will change). And to be really real, the only reason I want to start dating again is to win the “I got over you and found somebody else first” game.

Those are some unhealthy emotions. They aren’t doing anything except keeping me from being open to what the universe has for me (as N. would say). So I am going to put some distance between us in ‘08 so I can properly heal … um, right after I get some stuff I left at his house.

Find myself again

I don’t think I realized it at the time — or maybe I did and that’s what caused me to withdraw — but I lost myself in my relationship with the ex. I bent in a lot of ways: I moved into his house. I became enmeshed in his crew of friends at the expense of my own friendships. I couldn’t turn to my outlet (painting) because we didn’t have the space. And the big compromise: he’s a father of two which meant that I was always, at best, #3 in his life. I prefer to be #1 thank you very much.

But being single means I can be my own top priority. 2008 will be all about healing my heart and building a fabulous life for myself.

No romantic interests

As part of my healing process, I am swearing off that whole dating-and-relationships thing for ‘08. That breakup pushed me very close to my emotional edge. I need to get to a point where I forget how much it hurts to lose love before I open myself up to it again. A year should be more than enough time.

Take care of my emotional health

I’ve mentioned on the blog before that I suffer from depression. It’s something I’ve battled since age 7, but I have started to understand it in the last few years. And what I understand is that I need to manage it like other folks manage diabetes. I can’t do all of the things I want and need to do in ‘08 unless I take care of my emotional health. For me, that will require medication, meditation and a new psychiatrist.

Remember that I have friends and like call them and stuff

I’m sure this is part symptom and part cause of my depression and anxiety. But I tend to forget that I have friends. There are people out there who love and respect me and not because they’re family and they have to :-). It’s really easy to forget that, especially since I’m an only child and really used to my own company. Plus this internet thang makes it easy to form friendships without much work. But every once in a while, it would be nice to have friends over and watch bad movies or eat good food. I’m looking forward to doing that in the new year.

Those are the issues that I’m resolving to work on in 2008. I’m posting it here as my way of feeling accountable to someone. These aren’t necessarily things I can document. I mean, how do you show that you’re over someone? But they give me a starting point of sorts. They’re a snapshot of who I am right now, and a roadmap for who I want to become in the new year.

Published 31 Dec 2007 • Permalink

Categories: Personal

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Scryptkeeper said on 31 Dec 2007 at 9:15 am

Thanks for that. Giving a bit more wind to the flowing river of my thoughts on this today. I appreciate it.

Here’s more: http://scryptkeeper.blogspot.com/2007/12/resolve.html

patricia said on 31 Dec 2007 at 11:41 am

Recently, I had to break off a friendship with someone whom I cared deeply for. And still do. That’s part of the problem. Like you, every good exchange left me sad and depressed because I couldn’t understand why things didn’t work out. Finally I had to accept that the few positives of the friendship were far outweighed by the amount of hurt I was experiencing. So I pulled away. Selfish I think, but necessary. I think he thinks that once I’m “over it” that we can pick up where we left off in terms of being friends. And I guess I kind of wish that too because we did that really well but I’m also thinking that maybe I should just move on and not look back. We’ll see what the new year brings.

I hope 2008 is a fantastic year for you.

Herb said on 31 Dec 2007 at 12:43 pm

I can sympathize with “purging the ex” - I’ve been trying for 2 years now. Only problem is that my family is still great friends with her and they just love to keep me up to date with all her doings. I hope you have more success.

Have a Happy and Healthy New Year. And good luck with the stray.

(from a Twitter Follower)

Jason said on 31 Dec 2007 at 2:04 pm

Remember that I have friends and like call them and stuff

I’m sure this is part symptom and part cause of my depression and anxiety. But I tend to forget that I have friends. There are people out there who love and respect me and not because they’re family and they have to :-). It’s really easy to forget that, especially since I’m an only child and really used to my own company. Plus this internet thang makes it easy to form friendships without much work. But every once in a while, it would be nice to have friends over and watch bad movies or eat good food. I’m looking forward to doing that in the new year.

I smell you right there.

Frank 'viperteq' Young said on 31 Dec 2007 at 9:27 pm

First…loving the new design. Very funky!

Second, I’m right were you and Patricia are as far as “letting go”. I met her over the summer and had no intentions of developing the feelings that I eventually did, but it’s just now coming to me that I’m putting in far more work and getting far less out of the friendship….sh*t, we got into another damn fight tonight (on New Year’s Eve of all nights). If things don’t perk up soon, I’m gonna have to do some letting go of my own……

tiffany said on 31 Dec 2007 at 9:49 pm

@frank: thanks for the compliments. after deleting *everything* i figured i might as well tweak the look a bit, y’know?

Amber said on 31 Dec 2007 at 9:56 pm

Your resolutions are good, substantive ones. I know what you mean about taking care of your emotional health… I’ve dealt with depression since my early teens, and whenever I “forget” that it has to be treated just like any other condition, it bites me in the ass. Best wishes for a kick-ass 2008 to you!!

Rashid Z. Muhammad said on 2 Jan 2008 at 2:51 pm

Good luck on those resolutions. It’s always nice to have a theme to tie together the set and you’ve definitely got that going.

Mine is just to finish my new weblog engine. If I can do that before the end of ‘08 it will be a success.

Sheesh, talk abut settling…

Laura said on 5 Jan 2008 at 10:46 am

Happy New Year! I think that once you feel comfortable with your emotional health, you’ll find the other things kind of fall into place. Best of luck on all your resolutions! Mine this year are mostly financial.

Anna said on 6 Jan 2008 at 4:30 pm

Happy New Year lady and good luck with all these things. I am definitely sending out good vibes to you And I am with you on the remembering that I have friends. I go into hiding and then that leads to my depression…it takes work to get out of that mind set but it will happen and when it does everyone will be there with smiles and hugs and support for you.