In sickness and in health
Mr. Miserable (formerly known as “Sweetie”) got sick. Not just cold and sniffles sick, but “I have a fever and my chest is full of phlegm and my mom thinks it might be pneumonia” sick (mom is a nurse practitioner; diagnoses are a part of her job).
So in the middle of breaking up, I was forced to decide whether I love him enough to take care of him even though he’s ready to bail on me.
I really had to be honest with myself about my feelings. Do I want to take care of him because it’s the right thing to do and because I love him? Or would I be doing this with the hopes of swaying his heart? And if I don’t take care of him, would that out of spite? And if what I want is to work it out, would not taking care of him achieve that goal?
I took care of him.
And I asked him — under the duress of being sick and me taking care of him and whatever guilt or twinge of gratitude that could be mistaken for love and a willingness to stay together — if he thinks we can work it out.
His answer: “When I get better, we’ll talk about it.”
And that, of course, has turned me into a gigantic ball of anxiety and sleeplessness. Does that mean “I need some time to think about things”? Or does it mean “It’s over, but I really want someone to fuss over me while I’m sick”?
My head is telling me to cut my losses. Move out, move on and don’t look back. Now the only thing keeping me in Atlanta is my job — which I thoroughly love — but, honestly, can be replaced. I am now freer than I have ever been.
But my heart secretly hopes that Mr. Miserable will decide to become Mr. Commitment and decide that our relationship is worth saving. “I don’t want to be free … ”
Man, to be dating. The memories.
Let that cat go. If he’s “unsure”, even when you’re taking care of him at a time like this, it’s time for you to move on. You deserve someone who’s completely sure.
Life’s too short.
It’ll hurt, but leave. He’s shown his true colors. Don’t stick around and go through this again. You deserve better……
You deserve to be treated better than he is treating you. It will be painful and take some healing but you will be so much better and happier for it.
You do deserve better, but if you think he can be better. And if the better you want comes from him, there’s no harm in waiting to see what he has to say. Maybe just knowing that you’ll stick by him and make him a priority when he needs you to is what he needs.
Then again, he could be unable to think clearly. Only you know. But best wishes, Tiffany. No matter what happens through this you’ll come out a stronger person.
That’s it: I think he can be better. In fact, I know he can based on how he used to treat me.
My only question is whether he wants to work it out. And if so, TELL ME. That’s the biggest issue here. He can’t tell me what’s going on with himself. If he is feeling like he’s not a priority, he needs to say so, you know? And he needs to say so months before he gets to a break point. He’s got a mouth, 10 working fingers, two email accounts and 3 IM accounts. So the fact that he can’t tell me worries me. My fear is that he doesn’t want to be the bad guy.